(Written in Summer 2011 – a few months before Elijah passed & was born.)
It is with a heavy and humbling heart that I write and share with you the following.
In April of this year, I was surprised and blessed to find out I would be having another baby. It was a miracle on many levels and once my shock wore off, I embraced the news with a newfound love and passion for life.
Unfortunately, the gift of my baby news has turned to heartbreak and anguish as I have learned that my baby, a boy, I have named Elijah Iam, has been diagnosed with a rare genetic disorder that is not compatible with life and his time here on earth will be very brief, if he takes a breath at all.
As a mother, I am beyond words of devastation. As a believer in high purpose and source, I had chosen to continue carrying my son through the pregnancy-in hopes of a miracle, and also because I know in my soul he was meant to be, for however brief his appearance here-there is purpose and reason for his life.
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It has been a long journey and the awareness of knowing Elijah’s diagnosis for the last few months has tested every level of my being and capacity of love and courage beyond measure. Through my tears, I struggle daily to come to terms with the overwhelming reality of giving birth over to imminent death. But I also know through this tsunami – I am finding the strength to face the next day, hence my decision to share the news-for once I did, I know it would be the finale of any denial I have remaining.
I share this news with you today because the time is getting near for Elijah being born into and inevitably leaving this world to go back Home. I ask for your support during this time and also to keep me, Faith and my son in your prayers. Any support or helping hand would be so appreciated as we could use it be it meals, or helping with Faith and her needs. I am in a state physically and emotionally that is very fragile and grief is a reality.
When Elijah comes to pass, he will be honored with a service and an invitation will be extended should you want to be part of his brief, yet profound journey.
Thank you for your compassion of this sensitive event in our lives. I know it is hard for others to grasp the magnitude of death, especially a child’s. But I would greatly appreciate your staying in contact and know it helps me to share and speak of my son than to not hear from people.
From the bottom of my breaking heart, I share this journey with you and hope this awakening of realizing the preciousness of our lives and those in it is but fleeting. Do not waste a moment of making every moment a quality moment that doesn’t leave your heart absent in the participation of any thought, feeling, or action. I hope to share the truth of my son Elijah’s life and pay forward to help others recognize the blessing and humbling gift of our next breath.
(Written to members of ‘family’ – none of them came to my door – no one came to help my 9-year-old daughter. They told me to get rid of Elijah. -this lack of love added to the grief upon my impending grief – I know true Love will show up on my doorstep – and it did – friends and strangers and neighbors appeared with Love. The greatest Love that appeared was my son Elijah himself. I chose Him.)