Written 1 Year ago – 1 month before I got the call my mother got Covid and would ultimately pass away. I, myself needed to read my words again – I hope they are in service to You- posted with Love.
Grieving Insight & Help:
I am spending this time to write this because if it helps even one person- it is worth it.
I am going to share an insight that a sunSET is also a sunRISE.
If you have never experienced GRIEF before – what you are feeling is more than likely one of the stages of GRIEF.
I have lived the process many, many, many times. Personally and professionally. Two of my biggest GRIEVING moments was the loss of my sense of ‘Self’, more than once. The other, my child. The list of loss and subsequent griefs goes on…
I am spending the time to write this because I am aware of Grief and know first hand the pain you are feeling. I am not an instructor telling you how you are feeling. I am sharing your feelings by having Lived and now Living through the same.
For your awareness.
Here is some insight and please, honor yourself during this time:
Think about your past feelings-
February/early March – DENIAL (Denied what was happening, what could happen, doesn’t apply to me…)
Mid March/Now – ANGER (Which is Fear at the root from safety threatened-physically or your safety of livelihood- the feeling of Powerlessness- your Identity of yourself has been cracked open.)
Many are headed for the next 3 Stages:
DEPRESSION – not knowing which way to go. Frozen. The ground gave out beneath them. Lack of energy. Fatigue. Mind zapped and feelings of hopelessness.
BARGAINING – internal struggle with coming to terms of a trauma or loss. Actual or perceived. Heart and mind(ego) battle. Grasping for a solution to get their life back to what they knew.
ACCEPTANCE – surrendering to the Truth of a loss, in whatever form. Letting go of what you knew, had or loved. Or, didn’t even know how much you appreciated it until it or they were gone. Loss of how you envisioned or thought your life would be.
In order to rise again in your life – not suppressing your feelings is Crucial to your healing the wounds you are feeling. In whatever stage.
In order to build any ‘new’ normal of ones life from a strong foundation- having compassion for Yourself and your feelings is vital. Your foundation has been weakened- burying your feelings will weaken it even more when it’s time to move forward into the perceived unknown.
These feelings don’t mean you are weak. They mean you are strong.
Because you are feeling feelings that tell you how much you care about Your life, your families, your child’s, perhaps for all the people in the world.
Some feelings make you vulnerable such as these however, it is vulnerability where true strength resides. Read that line again.
To be transparent – and know the greater the grief- the greater the love and appreciation is for what was ‘lost’ – that you may not have realized your own gratitude.
During this time of Grief- which is a collective worldwide feeling – many trying to push away to gain a sense of control.
Know that you can rise from this – when you allow Yourself to go through the pain, not around it, or bury it deep within.
Burying these feelings will cause more dis-ease in your physical body than a virus.
So what can you do during this time of Grief:
Be vulnerable. It is truly one of Your greatest strengths. Share your feelings with your close Ones. Know that emotions for all are running high and more than likely they too are in one of these stages and recognize it with every interaction and conversation. Respect and have compassion for them as the same of what you need right now. Be transparent. Communicate. Honest Truth is The peace you are seeking. Not illusion of truth.
Take a time out for yourself. Have alone time, allow yourself to hit a pillow or cry or just check out for a bit.
Do not project your feelings the best you can onto another. It fuels a fire that helps no one.
The worry of caring for children and making money cannot be solved by the the feeling of worry. And that emotion depletes your energy to do anything proactive. It’s in our nature as parents to worry or individuals to survive.
However, knowing the emotion of worry is like a hamster in a wheel, it goes nowhere, creates nothing good and is an emotion that can be switched to caring. Worry is powerless – Caring is powerful.
You are more powerful than you know.
Anxiety is an emotion of something even yet to happen. It’s a feeling of impending and deprives from feeling powerless. Which you are not. And again is a feeling that does not serve you or anyone. It is a weakening emotion. And will weaken your immune system as well.
Your body will take on what you do not process emotionally or mentally. And your body will absorb those energies and react to them in an adverse way. Be aware of this.
In order to take care of anyone – you must take care of your well being first to stay healthy and strong in body and in mind. Or the dominos will fall all around.
The mind is your servant and many feel they are a slave to their mind, especially during this time of crisis. It is your choice.
Where their thoughts race and whatever one is thinking will magnate the same In return. Think about what you are thinking about – are your thoughts scary or positive?
Thoughts are like seeds in a garden- what you plant will grow. Any negative thoughts will attract the same energy. And the spinout in your life will continue.
Stop the spin. If you cannot think of positive thoughts and gratitude and the feeling of trust has been broken, then think of nothing.
Visualize a pause button on the remote on the movie you are watching. Stop the movie, stop the action. Press that pause button in your Mind. Having the remote control is having the power. What button are you going to push?
Press pause to help If the movie of thoughts playing in your head hinder you, not help you. And keep pressing until that movie is one you want to watch, that makes you feel good.
The GRIEF process is not linear. It is a process and hops around from stage to stage. Recognize what stage you are feeling at any given moment.
Having this awareness of what You are feeling is powerful/you are powerful.
Know and allow this time – and know That what is ‘gone’ is an opportunity to build and create whatever you have ever wanted your life to look like.
Fix what wasn’t working personally or professionally, if it can’t be fixed, change it. Create a new You- live the life you thought about when no one was looking.
Make wishes a reality. Live from your true passion you were kept from for so long.
Before you can change or fix anything- it starts with fixing and changing your Mindset and perspective of our times.
This did not happen to you. You are not a victim.
This happened for You. To be victorious in your life and is a real life example of just how much you gave your power and value of life away to others who told you what to do and who you are. And a test of just how strong you are.
The anger you feel of the ‘plans’ in life you had – the ways you ‘think/thought’ things should be. Those are ways of ‘control’ in a limited thinking sense. And those too are a sense of grief.
I am not going to say Now, I am going to say Soon, that the open door to walk into a life that brings not just survival or a dollar sign is here.
And it will stay open for quite awhile, actually it was always open, You just may see it a little clearer now –
Life is moldable and you are the artist. When the time is right for You, Sit at the potters wheel and mold your new life, write the script of the movie you want to live in, paint the masterpiece from scratch instead of Looking at a painting that was painted for you by another.
Letting go is hard, it is painful- but in doing so- you allow space in for something even greater waiting. But first, you need to honor your feelings.
You are truly stronger than this moment in time and more courageous than you realize. In heart- not in ego. Ego will take power and create an illusion that will eventually tumble down.
You are the leadership many are looking for. You Lead. And this time – Lead from the heart. If you think fearing for Your life and for others is living from the heart and from love- it is not. Fear cannot exist where love is. Fear wears many masks. Including anger.
If you don’t know what unconditional Love is, or never experienced it, now Is the time to discover this true superhero power.
And going through the GRIEF process- by allowing yourself to work through the stages- the mask will fall away – Because looking only through the eyes of sight is limiting you. What is meant to be seen is far beyond your eyes and creating thoughts from just what you see. Which will create action and manifest in your life in a limiting way.
And trust soon you will rise – even if You don’t feel that right now. It’s ok- just know You will.
I am writing this from the awareness of my own grief process and knowing where I am at emotionally. I have turned the corner into acceptance and that is why I can write this from my heart not from soothing the ego of self or anyone. Everyone is on their own timetable. There is no one timeframe fits all. Go at a pace that honors you and don’t rush it.
And when you come through this- you may not recognize yourself- however you are one step closer to your True Self. May feel a little naked even. Well we were born that way – and that means now we can choose what to wear on our bodies and hearts. It takes Courage. It takes Trust. It takes honoring yourself. Maybe for the first time in your life.
Above all- remember – this crisis is a MOMENT in your life- this is not Your forever.
This is a pause button for all of humanity. A time to contemplate and reflect of Who I Was and what was driving My life.
And then, when the time is right, you create you new normal from a strong foundation vision with you leading from Who I Am.
From the ashes comes beauty From the pain comes wisdom From the loss comes the opportunity for gain. From honoring the truth comes peace.
And above all- the true test of Love is at hand. For Self and Others. The greatest superpower you have in your toolbox.
Your life is temporary- accepting this truth turns your fear of dying into gratitude for living and opens up every possibility to live it as fully and joyous as you were meant to. And that has nothing to do with a dollar sign.
– live forward in your healing knowing you are in a more powerful position than you have ever been to live this lifetime with the strongest foundation variables of Love, Courage, Forgiveness, Compassion, Gratitude, Passion and Strength-
Have those feelings and actions from those feelings be your Legacy.
GRIEF is a teacher.
And while we cannot control what is invisible or inevitable- the one biggest thing we can control is our mindset- which is the nucleus factory of our thoughts that will dictate all.
Choose wisely. Honor Self and then you will Rise.
I look back in humility to realize just how strong I was to rise from great loses of loves and from the illusion I was living. First though- I had to allow my Grief to pass through and be with it every step. And each time it appeared.
Eventually when you Allow yourself to be with the question of ‘Well who am I now?” – it will lead you to the evolving answer of Who I am- and that is when you rise, not in a reactive survival mode, but it the true Creator of your life moving forward. The life that has been waiting for you. Letting that in means letting go- and the grief process will carry you there, if you honor it.
Allow the sunSET moment of your life so the sunRISE can come again.
I am here to give you a hand through and up if you’d like one. Or feel free to share this with someone who may need this writing or a hand to hold. My hand and heart are outstretched to them.